- anger damage -

Yeah today i snapped,
i snapped at someone special to me
someone who wasn't supposed to be snapped at
someone entirely innocent of the blame
but then again - yeah i snapped.

i wasn't thinking straight
definitely not thinking right
now this guilt feeling's eating up on me
worried coz i've hurt his feelings
knowing what i did caused a nonsense fight


i have to make up for it
heal the damage i've brought
i have to stop being angry
or i'll end up loosing the one i love most

-..♥..-

"Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret" - Lawrence J. Peter
should've read this one before opening my mouth.
i didn't mean to be that upset - however no excuses - i still opened my big fat mouth
now i have to make up for what i did and see to it that this doesn't happen again.....

-..♥..-

- a dog, an owl and a mermaid -

There was a dog and an owl - an unlikely special pair.
They were always together, do things together.

One day, the dog said to the owl "i heard there's a mermaid coming up! i wanna see! let's go see!".

The owl said, "okay, let's go".

And off the two went to go see the said "mermaid".

The two arrived, met some of their friends - a grizzly, a monkey and a specie named "Junlee". The place was big - an open space,  clear blue water on the left side, clean air, a trail on the right, the sun hangs lazily on the sky.

Everyone was anticipating, waiting for the "mermaid".

"Is she beautiful?"
"Is she real?"
"Is she edible?"

Then the "mermaid" came. Swimming under the water towards the group, circling the pool, it's magnificent blue fish-dragon-like tail glistening under the water.

Everyone - mystified at what they saw - it was a mermaid - it wasn't a mermaid - rather it was merman on the way.

The merman poked his head up from the water, then the owl got cursed.

The owl multiplied - owl after owl - another of it came. If the owl multiples another more, the owl is going to die.

"What should i do?" the dog cried out frantically.

"Let the owl eat charcoal" an old woman said. (where did this old woman come from?? O.o )

The dog did as what the old woman instructed. The dog grabbed a bark from the tree, instantly the bark become charcoal in the shape of the banana.

The dog, with the banana-charcoal looked for "an" owl and found one under the tree eating yellow ripe bananas. The other owl were around him, the other playing on the lake. The dog shoved the banana-charcoal to the owl's mouth. Instantly, the owl stopped multiplying. All of the owl's underlings went back to the owl's body making the owl whole again. The owl smiled, fainted and disappeared.

"Where's my owl?!" the dog cried out once again

"You'll find him in your bed sleeping - kiss him to wake him up" - a female's voice said in the dog's mind

The dog rushed back to the doghouse, straight to the nest and found the owl lying there sleeping peacefully.

The dog kissed the owl.
The owl woke up and smiled.

Then I woke up to my mother's voice saying, "Wake up! You're going to be late for work"

And i realized, it was all just a dream O.o

- IF -

something worth reading, shared by my friend

----
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

~ Rudyard Kipling, written in 1902 ~

-..♥..-

is it a sign? circumstance? i don't know

but whatever it is, i'm just happy i was able to read this

it pretty much sums up what I've been going through right now

it brings me back to my senses - to maintain SANITY amidst this circling INSANITY

-..♥..-

- self-worth..? -

probably one of the most self-boosting things in life is the feeling of contentment, success and self-worth.

contentment is when you're happy with what you have, it may not be much  to others, but to you, it's more than enough

and with it comes success. Success when you've won over something, you've overcome trials you thought impossible.

And with it comes self-worth. You know you're place in life. You know you're value, you take pride in what you do. It doesn't go with the title or anything else - it's just simply YOU - loving yourself in a not-narcissist-kind-of-way.

But take away self-worth, what happens?

More often than not, there are those who self-desctruct - do drugs be angry, REALLY REALLY angry - feel hopeless - even worse - there are those who commit suicide.

While strong personalites recuperate and gain back what they have lost, weaker ones become a puppet - just following commands via strings attached from the higher ground.

How does self-worth get taken away?

Basing from my expecience? It's just simply : giving everything you've got and gaining nothing. It's losing the same game over and over again. No matter what you do, no matter what tactics or strategies you play - nothing.

It's feeling like a loser. Feeling dumb. Unimportant. No one listens to you. No one takes you seriously. Yet, when everything blows up in their faces, they blame you for that mistake. You are the MISTAKE.

Or am i really the person to blame?

- uncertainty -

there is that nagging feeling again,
a feeling that something's coming
something but you don't know what it is..

the signs are pointing towards "it"
but whatever "it" is, you can never really tell..

is it bad? is it good? you don't know.
but what you do know is the beating of your heart
that frightening feeling that shakes every inch of your soul

 ..the feeling of uncertainty..