- leaf and silence -

it was an opportunity
something i didn't see coming
it suddenly hit me
and everything changed

now, although im unsure
there's no turning back
my silence has betrayed me
i have no choice
but to accept the current facts..

feeling like a leaf blown by the wind
i dont know where this would take me..

all i know is i'm caught, trapped,
prisoned once again by regret and uncertainty

- unattended candle -

it was dark, only candles were glowing
the surroundings was silent, only the wind was howling..

then suddenly, our tenant came rushing in..
"Te, te" she screamed, a frantic call for my mother
my mother at first walked then ran,
as soon as she saw the number of peoply hurrying.

"fire.! fire.!" our tenant said
my mother turned to me,
"call the fire department! go ahead!"

(i was following my mom the entire time, the fire was within the area but a little farther from our house, maybe two houses away)

and then i saw it, right in front of my eyes
black smoke, red flames shot out of the sky
for a moment i stood frozen
my heart stopped, my mind - shutting off everything

it took me a moment to recover
from a moment that would seem like forever
when i looked around all i can see,
people were rushing, children crying

the looks on their faces, the looks of despair
panic, anger, getting confused - all in one -
everything, everyone was in chaos

i snapped back to reality
called for help - my friends, relatives, bf -
and a few minutes later
helped arrived.

-..♥..-

the fire started due to unattended candles
and i'm just thankful to God for keeping us safe

in that moment, in that instant,
everything you have may be taken away from your eyes
so cherish what you have.
TAKE CARE OF IT
-..♥..-

- not good enough but.. -

i may not be smart enough,
good enough,
sensible enough,
but i do know
that i have my worth
and i also know
that you're not worth every single millesecond of my time

i just want to take time, shout out and say
that eventhough i may not be smart
good, sensible and "whatever"enough
for you

it does not give you the right to make fun of me
or degrade me.

as well as i dont' have to reach for your standards
to know and prove my worth

and oh by the way,
no matter what credentials you have,
what you just did,

it made you lower than me
which technically makes me better than you

so take that.

- what ifs.. begone..! -

my life was once in order
everything was planned out
suddenly you came along
suddenly, i had doubts

what if you were mine?
what if you were not?
what if i never took the chance?
would have i regret it a lot?

then i knew if i'd let you pass by
i wouldn't learn to go for my dreams and fly
coz i know i have no regrets
i am happy, contented though you tease me to be your pet

so now no more what ifs
and no more could be's
i just need to have faith
and trust your love in me ^^v

-..♥..-

even though the future's blurry
i know everything's gonna be okay
coz i have you with me ^^
-..♥..-

- unstable -

at one point in my life,

it was all i've wanted the most

and now that i have you with me

i thought i'd feel secure, contented, happy.

and i am happy, well sort of.. 

i guess fear has gotten the best of me

i've started to become greedy

for when you're away, i feel empty

i need a distraction, maybe a cure

i need to have faith in you a little more

i am self-destructing, killing everything

someone save me, give me peace once more

-..♥..-

may be at one point, this fairy tale will end..
i just hope it ends up with you being mine,
'coz i really really really like you.
and i hope you feel the same way too ='c
-..♥..-

someone - the reason for my sadness

- lately, colleagues have been telling me i gained weight. i got fat. plus dry skin, looking tired and badly damage. the description matched like those of rotten tomatoes. infact, at that time, i really really felt like a rotten tomato.


why? because i've always carried myself with pride. i dont think i'm perfect because clearly i'm not. but i've always looked at myself of which someone that has value. not perfect, often times wrong, but still worth it of actions, reasonable, respected.


however, hearing those things, it lead to my depression of course. to seek comfort from the ones i truly care about. but then no matter what the say, i knew in my head that i am a rotten tomato =c


for somewhere along the way, i lost myself. i lost my value and self-respect. my head's empty, feeling like a fool, blah blah you know the rest..probably that's the reason why i don't want to be with people. i feel small when i'm with them, falling like a wallflower at an event.


and i dont want to be that person anymore. i want to grow. i want to be someone who's beautiful, sexy, independent, respected, smart, lovable, worthy and worth it..


someone who my family and friends can be proud of. someone who they'll say as "we did not go wrong in raising her" or "i'm proud to be her friend"


and finally, i want to be the right person for the person i truly treasure the most. he means so much to me and as much as i can, i want to make him happy without being too overly attached. O.o


i want to be someone who he can be proud of. .someone to be his friend, his partner, i want him to be mine, to never leave me, to be the one for him and that someday, he won't be embarrassed by me..he can show me off to his friends and say "hey, that's my girl <3".


i want to be that someone. someone who lives her life to the fullest and with meaning.

that someone who i always dreamed to be, but i'm afraid, i'll never be..

-..♥..-

sorry for the long post.
but i've just got to let it all out ^^
-..♥..-

- farewell -

you are the perfect guy
respected, good kind
sweet, charming, loyal
a perfect husband material
and most of all, you loved me.

and i did love you
i loved you too
but i guess it wasn't enough
for here we are
strangers, heart's so far.

hey, i want you to know
i'm sorry i had to let go
sorry for all the hurts and troubles i've caused
sorry for not loving you so..

and i also wanna say thank you
for being with me through all those years
you've really proven you're worth,
given me more than enough
no words can ever describe
the things you did for me,
a thousand words aren't even enough.

but now it's time for you to move on and be happy
fly, go find your destiny
thank you for the time you spent with me
but now, i have to say goodbye
and i hope you can find the one
who will love you truly

-..♥..-

thank you for being my twin, my other half..
this would be the last time i'll speak about you.
it's time for us to move on and let go
i'll be happy for you ^^
-..♥..-

- perfection does not always mean happiness -

i was your princess,
you were my prince
everything was perfect,
a love story in a fairy tale

but something happened
troubles crossed our way
our love got lost
my love went astray

i left you for reasons
even i couldn't believe
i just had to get away
take a break and breath.

-..♥..-

sometimes, leaving is the best option for personal growth..
i'm sorry i had to leave,
but i know, if i'd stay, we'll just end up hating each other
-..♥..-

- i LIKE you -

you're unexplainable,
undefinable, unreachable
proud, hardheaded
and not my type of guy

certainly, you're not my prince charming
but rather a villain in sheep's disguise.

but i..i like you.
and i can't help but fall for you.

with you i easily get hurt
i sometimes feel like a fool
i get easily depressed
and what's worst,
i feel like i meant nothing to you at all.

but despite this, i..i like you
and i can't help but fall for you

there are times, you're sweet
you're kind, you laugh sincerely
with a heart so pure,
like an innocent child's

you make me feel safe
you make me feel loved
you keep me protected
the problems fade away
every time you give me a hug.

but what makes it so frustrating
your two sides is so confusing
i never seem to know where i stand
i don't know what to expect,
i'm always unsure of the things at hand

but nonetheless i'll keep on going
i'll stay by your side,
even if it hurts
and so mind-boggling

i just hope it'll be okay..
and everything will be alright

and if time permits and you'd ask me why i;m doing this
i'll just stare at you and simply say,
"buot ka?! it's my call to make.
because i like you, and i can't help but FALL for you."

-..♥..-

i'm laying all my cards down.
i hope you can see that i really, really, REALLY like you.. 
-..♥..-

- Quicksand -

can't move forward,
too late to take a step back
torn between what i must do and what i want
caught in the middle,trapped in the circumstance.

so i'm keeping my heart closely guarded
being careful not to overstep my bounds
for now i'll just enjoy every minute
take some chances, go with the flow..

and just see where all of this will take me..

-..♥..-

things will get pretty interesting from here on 
-..♥..-

- SubsituTe -

my heart beats fast
i am feeling uneasy.
i am happy..
but something's bothering me..

you and me, we're together.
 we've passed our bounds,
we're now more closer than ever.

 but then again.. i wonder..
 is it ME you really want?
or..
do you see me as SOMEONE else
every time when we're together?

-..♥..-

i hope you can see me for me..
and not what you hoped to be..

-..♥..-

- Last Message -

hey, how are you?

have you eaten? are you alright?

it's been more than a week since you left

and its kinda lonely without you..

but hey, don't worry..

we'll be okay.

you've taught us so much

given more than enough

we can take on life

with the memories you left us.

so go on, rest easy

find peace and serenity.

and this time,

be truly and completely happy.

just remember, wherever you are,

you will always be remembered,

always be loved,

you'll always stay forever,

alive in our hearts ^^

-..♥..-

just be happy, wherever you are..^^

-..♥..-

- Prayer -

..I am sharing with you this beautiful prayer that I have received..

Dear God,

most of us always desire a perfect situation and a perfect life..yet You, my Lord, do not grant a perfect life. What you give instead is a perfect heart in the midst of an imperfect life. Teach me to be cheerful, hopeful, smiling a midst imperfections and to enjoy Your wondrous blessings every moment in time. Amen.

-..♥..-

i got this from a friend

-..♥..-

- census -

"Sabi sa census may labing isang million na tao sa Metro Manila. Sa dinamirami ng taong yon paano mo kaya malalaman na nahanap mo na yung taong para sayo? Maaring nakita mo na siya, pero yumuko ka para magsintas. Maaring nakatabi mo na siya, pero lumingon ka para tignan ang traffic lights. Maaring nakasalubong mo na siya, pero huimarang yung pedicab. May mga maswerteng tao na nahanap na nila yung taong para sakanila. May mga taong patuloy na naghahanap at may iba na sumuko na. Pero yung pinakamasaklap e yung nasa’yo na pinakawalan mo pa. Pero pano nga kaya no? kung isang beses lang dumarating sa buhay mo ang para sa’yo? Palalampasin mo pa ba? Kahit nasa harap mo na?"

-..♥..-

My Amnesia Girl

-..♥..- 

source : http://mydailyfbstats.blogspot.com/2012/02/josephied-101-soul-mate.html

- a Little just like MATH -

there's a fine line between love and friendship..

that's something we should be wary of

we should stay within our limits

to avoid complicating anything..

and just like math,

our relationship should be like an equation.

- it should always be in its simplest form -

but just like math,

we could be compared to asymptotes

- we can get closer and closer, but we'll never be together -

-..♥..-

even MATH has its romantic days..! 
-..♥..-

- an ORDINARY something -

an ordinary guy

just like any other one i see

but there must be something about you

for you were given to me

a friend a partner,

that's what you showed

through good and bad

pure love on me, you bestowed

and i'm very thankful and happy

for you are by my side.

you are God's perfect gift for me

i'll show you off with pride

so my better half, i have a favor, please stay

promise me forever, don't ever go away..♥

-..♥..-

an ordinary guy with extraordinary personality
-..♥..-

- Barely Think Right -

i must be insane
i'm playing with fire
though this isn't my game

i guess i'm just curious
- about what could happen -
the future is just so mysterious

i know this isn't right
what i'm doing can probably start a fight
but there's something about your eyes
that gives me an insane serenity

though i know when i look into them

i can barely think right.

-..♥..-

the beginning of my INSANITY
-..♥..-

- Happy 6th Birthday To Us! ^^ -

She said :

Happy 6th Birthday my twin! I hope we have many more birthdays to come, happy moments to make, sad moments to share, more babies to take care of, and a lifetime to spend with you. I love you.

He said: 

Happy 6th Anniversary! I hope we stay together forever. Even though we have a lot of misunderstandings, I'm happy by your side. You'll always be mine and thank you for the love. I hope you won't get tired of me.

-..♥..-

I hope whatever may come..we can make our dreams come true

-..♥..- 

- Introducing Me -

Hi. I am Noui ( - 'noy' - ) and welcome to my blog.

Let's get to know each other (but we'll have to skip on the 'how-do-i-look' part of the topic. I'm really not too keen on the whole physical describing thing. Just take a look at my avatar and you'll get the picture. My avatar really looks just like me - minus the whole wings and background effects - credits to aya for this!)

I am Noui and i graduated last march 2011 with a degree of Bachelor of Science in Computer Engineering. I currently work (at the time of writing this) as a junior software engineer - web in an IT company.

I love sports especially soccerbaseball (rules like baseball, played like baseball - except you'd have to use a soccerball and your foot instead of baseball and baseball bats to play the game).

I love to eat but I don't wanna be fat. However, my love for food overcomes my dislike for fatness and so I eat.. A LOT..!

I don't wanna be fat (and really, there's nothing wrong with being fat..it's more of a health issue for me) and at times, my fear of gaining weight has lead me to this whole 'diet-exercise-thinning' obsession.

Moving on...

I love white. I love blue.

I just wanna laugh out loud and chill with you.

I love to dance (though dancing doesn't feel the same) and slow rock music

Sometimes I just wanna lay around and listen to some good acoustics.

I try to be a good daughter

At the same time, a perfect partner.

I really do care about the people I love.

So I try my best to make them happy,

and do the things that they can be proud of.

However..

Sometimes I want break free,

Take a minute off from my responsibility.

I want to experience some harmless fun (the see it as semi-harmless due to environmental conditions)

And just play carelessly under the sun.

I want to make decisions, be able to choose

Even if it's not the one they want to use

Learn from my mistakes, pay my dues

Fall down, stand up and heal my bruise

I want to be perfect at times i want to fail

I want to love and be loved, whatever may prevail.

I want to live my life to the fullest,

And live it without regrets.

Make the ones I love happy..also make me happy..

This has got to be one of my most confusing dilemma yet.

I am Noui and I am me.

I am happy but as confused as I can be.

I am a child, I want to grow

and hopefully become that most coveted good movie-leading-lady

I surely hope so!

I'm pleased to meet you. I hope you enjoy your stay.

-..♥..-

"Nouilles"
- is a French term for "noodles" -
- has my name on it -

"Messy"
- coz that's how someone i know pretty much describes me

so "messy-nouilles" is "messy-noodles"

-..♥..-