if heaven had a phone line..

if heaven had a phone line,
i would certainly use it everyday
i would start my mornings by saying
"hi, what's for breakfast?"
as i start preparing the plates

but knowing the sleepyhead that i am
you'd probably end up calling me
and waking me up instead

if heaven had a phone line
i'd call you every now and then
just like the way we used to text way back when
it's just a random check on both of us
it's kinda like our thing, a bonding moment,
a happy fuss

if heaven had a phone line
i'd never miss the days when you're not here
in our current situation,
just talking to you, hearing your voice would be more than enough
cause i know you're there.

if heaven had a phone line
i'd tell you i love you and thank you everyday
you made sure i was raised right
you gave me a family
you did everything with all your might.

even to your last breath,
you thought of me,
making sure i can handle it,
making sure i'll be alright.

if heaven had a phone line
then i could ask you if you're proud of me
of where i am now,
of what i've become,
the fruits of your labor,
and as your living legacy.

if heaven had a phone line..
..i'll make your proud of me.
more than that,
how i wish you're still here with me.

-..♥..-

MOTHER [noun]

..someone who will love you unconditionally,
til her last breath..

-..♥..-

- abb -

Heeey..!

Happy Happy Happy Birthday!
You're a year OLDER now,
have i said that you're old now??

Yeah, im happy for yoy
Kinda excited actually,
it's your first birthday that we're together,
not physically, but still together.
(and many more to come!)

Anyways, today's about you.
So here you go :)

You were just some guy that i met like three years ago. Tall, dark, popular with the girls, smart, kinda snotty to be honest, funny guy, the works.

We've talked a couple of times but not really,
We just started really talking like about less than a year ago.
And things are getting more interesting,
the more that i got to know you.
There is more to you than what meets the eye

You showed me who you were/are
You said you were kinda "bad" in some ways,
In some stuff, in your past
And maybe you are,
I just dont see that.

I see a very fun-loving, determined person with a compassionate heart.
I see someone who loves chorizos for breakfast, loves sweets, can eat almost anything, heavy sleeper.

a guy who has like a girl's period for like EVERYDAY, loves music, athletic, GYM ADDICT, gamer, loves to SWIM, competitive, a go-getter. Religious (so-so).

A person capable of change, has a positive attitude, has strong willpower, can take a stand but can back off when needed, patient, understanding, protective and will do anything for the sake of the people that matter most to him.

Tbh, you're more than what you're giving yourself credit for.

I believe that you had made a good impact on someone elses lives, especially on mine.

You helped me up remember?
When no one could love me,
When i was broken,
When i couldnt even love myself
You became ny BESTFRIEND,
and now my PARTNER.
You were there. You are here.
Just here and there.
And you, sticking up beside me,
that means a lot.

and your past? all the things you said you were not really proud of?
It molded you for who you are now:
A person who loves purely and wholly,  and gives everything - all time and and effort - without expecting something in return.

So do me a favor please?
Thank your mom for me
She did a fine job raising you.

And all those years that you had,
All those experiences,
Im thankful for those
Because those prepared you for me
It made you stronger, wiser.
It lead to you to me

And i promise, i'll stand by you no matter what
I'm keeping you

So celebrate life!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY..!

and one last thing - you're worth it.
You deserved to be loved.
I love you ^^v

PRESENCE ♥

heeeeeeey..

just passing by, quick question: aren't you tired?
you've been running in my head all day! lol. (#boom #whogoat #corny)

really, i heard this song and thought of you.
i was supposed to write a blog but then my thoughts got jumbled up
so i decided to message you instead:

i guess it wouldn't and couldn't be helped
my past would always come back to haunt me,
no matter how hard i try to run away from it.

yup, as much as possible, i just want to forget about it.
the pain, the reality that at that time, i was alone.
i had no choice. I have to stand up for myself.

i also hated the future.
Every waking day, i thought i had no more reason to live.
(kinda harsh, but you do know that at that time, i lost everything. - well at least i thought i had)

I wasn't looking forward to tomorrow but then again i just wanna forget my past. Pretty complex right?

However the world doesn't stop turning. it continues to live
It seems as if nothing has changed, but you look back and realize, nothing's the same.
Except for some little bits of reality, especially about you.

you became my friend.
you were there when i was with him
you were there when my mom moved on
you were there when he left me
you were there when i ran after him
and in my crazy moments,
those nights when i'd call you in the middle of the night to cry,
and probably more nights to come, you are always there for me
always listening to the same problems.
and still, even in now, you are here with me

"don't say you have time. if you give someone your effort, you're giving them your time"
- i learned that from you
you'd call me in the middle of the night.
you'd spend your time talking to me instead of playing your favorite game
you'd email me if something happens.
by far, you had never left me hanging.
through all your actions, i can clearly see you're giving me your TIME and EFFORT

now thinking about it, i don't feel so lonely anymore,
nor i have fear of facing what's to come.

you're there.
i have someone.
your determination, perseverance and hard-hardheadedness (lol) must've rubbed off on me
you taught me not to give up
you taught me to fight.
and the funniest thing was,
you LOVED me, even when i couldn't even love myself.

so thank you. i owe a lot of my recovery from you.
you had me at my worst, i am sure to give you my best
and i'm better now. i'm not the weak person i once was.
thank you for making me whole gain.
for putting back all the pieces :)

and likewise, i promise to be there for you
like what you did for me.
iLy ♥

-..♥..-

... sorry for the long post,
im just happy, and i wanna keep this feeling
this feeling that i thought i'd never feel again ...

...♥ will you follow through if i fall for you? ♥ ...
- martin garrix feat. usher - don't look down - 

-..♥..-

Loss not Found

i thought today will just be an ordinary day
wake up, get up, dress up
daily routine, tasks
just the usual

until i saw you, walking right across me
i did a double take, my heart skipped a beat
is it you? is it really you?
why are you here? what are you doing here?

Hope flooded my heart
All logical reasoning escaping my sanity
fear of disapppointment flooding my soul
but still, maybe you are here
benefit of the doubt
i gave it my all

i did a double take to see things clearly
my heart sank as i was taken back to reality
it wasn't you - it just looked like you
i stood there frozen, emptiness, pain, hurt washed over me
i was just overwhelmed, dazed, i don't know what to do

In this lifetime,
You're never coming back to me
No matter what i do.
It just sucks cause i can't kill this hope.
Hope of me, being with you.

-..♥..-

... Maybe not in this lifetime, but in the next
we'll see each other again
and I can be with you.
Just like you promised ...

-..♥..-

haunted past

everytime it crosses my mind,
i still feel that aching sensation
a feeling of emptiness, longingness
a hole inside your heart

days, months, maybe even years will pass by
but probably it will never heal,
or if it would, it will bear a scar
to remind me of my past
to remind me of what i went through
to make me realize that i could never
go back to the person i once was

whatever it is, all i know is that:
i never want to experience it again.

please dont leave me, fate dont play with me
please heal me, make me forget the pain
please stay, don't ever go away,
i know i'll break again,
if you do leave me
im just saying ill go insane.

letter to my mom: one sweet day

hi ma!

how are you?

hope you are doing good.
everything's good here.

i got fat - i gained a lot of weight.
i also learned how to cook rice
at long last, i can feed myself haha

anyways, i was listening to this song
it made me think of you
this song will always remind me of you
it never made any sense to me, until now.

i wonder what you are doing right now
you're probably in your garden
transferring your pots like you always do
or probably watching your favorite tv shows
so engrossed in it, a little disturbance will
make you fire up.

whatever it is you're doing right now,
wherever you are, i just hope your happy
you deserve to be

i miss you ma
i love you so much and always will.

-..♥..-

... and i know you're shining down on me from heaven
like so many friends we've lost along the way
and i know eventually we'll be together
one sweet day...

- mariah carey and boyz ii men -

-..♥..-

letter to my mom: incomplete

It has been about seven months since that fateful day
That day when you quietly slipped away
I didn't even notice that you just passed me by
I just thought you were sleeping,
I had no idea that'll be our last goodbye

Everything changed since then
My world crumbled since you were gone
I lost a huge part of me
i had no idea how to move on

You were my everything - my strength, my treasure
You had always been there for me,
You always had my back
You always helped me up,
Keep me back on track

You never doubted me - not even once
You were my number one fan
You had always protected me
You gave me everything
You gave me more than enough

But now you're gone
I've been trying to cope up
But it's hard. Life is so hard to live without you

I had no idea how to start, where to start
I feel so lost without you

Please come back for me
Help me.
Please help me get through this
Because life is really hard without you.

I love you ma, I miss you.