- self-worth..? -

probably one of the most self-boosting things in life is the feeling of contentment, success and self-worth.

contentment is when you're happy with what you have, it may not be much  to others, but to you, it's more than enough

and with it comes success. Success when you've won over something, you've overcome trials you thought impossible.

And with it comes self-worth. You know you're place in life. You know you're value, you take pride in what you do. It doesn't go with the title or anything else - it's just simply YOU - loving yourself in a not-narcissist-kind-of-way.

But take away self-worth, what happens?

More often than not, there are those who self-desctruct - do drugs be angry, REALLY REALLY angry - feel hopeless - even worse - there are those who commit suicide.

While strong personalites recuperate and gain back what they have lost, weaker ones become a puppet - just following commands via strings attached from the higher ground.

How does self-worth get taken away?

Basing from my expecience? It's just simply : giving everything you've got and gaining nothing. It's losing the same game over and over again. No matter what you do, no matter what tactics or strategies you play - nothing.

It's feeling like a loser. Feeling dumb. Unimportant. No one listens to you. No one takes you seriously. Yet, when everything blows up in their faces, they blame you for that mistake. You are the MISTAKE.

Or am i really the person to blame?

- uncertainty -

there is that nagging feeling again,
a feeling that something's coming
something but you don't know what it is..

the signs are pointing towards "it"
but whatever "it" is, you can never really tell..

is it bad? is it good? you don't know.
but what you do know is the beating of your heart
that frightening feeling that shakes every inch of your soul

 ..the feeling of uncertainty..

- leaf and silence -

it was an opportunity
something i didn't see coming
it suddenly hit me
and everything changed

now, although im unsure
there's no turning back
my silence has betrayed me
i have no choice
but to accept the current facts..

feeling like a leaf blown by the wind
i dont know where this would take me..

all i know is i'm caught, trapped,
prisoned once again by regret and uncertainty

- unattended candle -

it was dark, only candles were glowing
the surroundings was silent, only the wind was howling..

then suddenly, our tenant came rushing in..
"Te, te" she screamed, a frantic call for my mother
my mother at first walked then ran,
as soon as she saw the number of peoply hurrying.

"fire.! fire.!" our tenant said
my mother turned to me,
"call the fire department! go ahead!"

(i was following my mom the entire time, the fire was within the area but a little farther from our house, maybe two houses away)

and then i saw it, right in front of my eyes
black smoke, red flames shot out of the sky
for a moment i stood frozen
my heart stopped, my mind - shutting off everything

it took me a moment to recover
from a moment that would seem like forever
when i looked around all i can see,
people were rushing, children crying

the looks on their faces, the looks of despair
panic, anger, getting confused - all in one -
everything, everyone was in chaos

i snapped back to reality
called for help - my friends, relatives, bf -
and a few minutes later
helped arrived.

-..♥..-

the fire started due to unattended candles
and i'm just thankful to God for keeping us safe

in that moment, in that instant,
everything you have may be taken away from your eyes
so cherish what you have.
TAKE CARE OF IT
-..♥..-

- not good enough but.. -

i may not be smart enough,
good enough,
sensible enough,
but i do know
that i have my worth
and i also know
that you're not worth every single millesecond of my time

i just want to take time, shout out and say
that eventhough i may not be smart
good, sensible and "whatever"enough
for you

it does not give you the right to make fun of me
or degrade me.

as well as i dont' have to reach for your standards
to know and prove my worth

and oh by the way,
no matter what credentials you have,
what you just did,

it made you lower than me
which technically makes me better than you

so take that.

- what ifs.. begone..! -

my life was once in order
everything was planned out
suddenly you came along
suddenly, i had doubts

what if you were mine?
what if you were not?
what if i never took the chance?
would have i regret it a lot?

then i knew if i'd let you pass by
i wouldn't learn to go for my dreams and fly
coz i know i have no regrets
i am happy, contented though you tease me to be your pet

so now no more what ifs
and no more could be's
i just need to have faith
and trust your love in me ^^v

-..♥..-

even though the future's blurry
i know everything's gonna be okay
coz i have you with me ^^
-..♥..-

- unstable -

at one point in my life,

it was all i've wanted the most

and now that i have you with me

i thought i'd feel secure, contented, happy.

and i am happy, well sort of.. 

i guess fear has gotten the best of me

i've started to become greedy

for when you're away, i feel empty

i need a distraction, maybe a cure

i need to have faith in you a little more

i am self-destructing, killing everything

someone save me, give me peace once more

-..♥..-

may be at one point, this fairy tale will end..
i just hope it ends up with you being mine,
'coz i really really really like you.
and i hope you feel the same way too ='c
-..♥..-