someone - the reason for my sadness

- lately, colleagues have been telling me i gained weight. i got fat. plus dry skin, looking tired and badly damage. the description matched like those of rotten tomatoes. infact, at that time, i really really felt like a rotten tomato.


why? because i've always carried myself with pride. i dont think i'm perfect because clearly i'm not. but i've always looked at myself of which someone that has value. not perfect, often times wrong, but still worth it of actions, reasonable, respected.


however, hearing those things, it lead to my depression of course. to seek comfort from the ones i truly care about. but then no matter what the say, i knew in my head that i am a rotten tomato =c


for somewhere along the way, i lost myself. i lost my value and self-respect. my head's empty, feeling like a fool, blah blah you know the rest..probably that's the reason why i don't want to be with people. i feel small when i'm with them, falling like a wallflower at an event.


and i dont want to be that person anymore. i want to grow. i want to be someone who's beautiful, sexy, independent, respected, smart, lovable, worthy and worth it..


someone who my family and friends can be proud of. someone who they'll say as "we did not go wrong in raising her" or "i'm proud to be her friend"


and finally, i want to be the right person for the person i truly treasure the most. he means so much to me and as much as i can, i want to make him happy without being too overly attached. O.o


i want to be someone who he can be proud of. .someone to be his friend, his partner, i want him to be mine, to never leave me, to be the one for him and that someday, he won't be embarrassed by me..he can show me off to his friends and say "hey, that's my girl <3".


i want to be that someone. someone who lives her life to the fullest and with meaning.

that someone who i always dreamed to be, but i'm afraid, i'll never be..

-..♥..-

sorry for the long post.
but i've just got to let it all out ^^
-..♥..-